"They really saved my life"

It was a shock, when I work in the hospital, I expected to get it, no matter how much I protected myself. But it was degree that it affected me, that is what shocked me so much. The consultant couldn’t even tell me why I got it so bad. When I got it I was in hospital for 6 weeks, when I got out I was debilitated. I was on oxygen for 6 months, that was a shock to me. I had smoked previously and stopped 3 years before covid, I worried that might have made it worse, but the consultant told me it wouldn’t have mattered.

Before Covid I was quite fit, I ran and walked a lot, I felt terrible about my debility. I thought was I never going to be me again. I live just opposite the sea, I used to go cold water swimming, all I could do was watch the swimmers in the sea, I wondered would I ever get back to baseline?

I had feelings of guilt, I felt stupid that I had got covid. I was constantly telling the family to be careful yet I was the one who brought it into the house.

When I was leaving the hospital, I was delighted I was getting home, but I was worried going home on oxygen, I wondered if the family could cope with it all. The family and my husband were all very clingy, I hadn’t seen them for 6 weeks. I felt apprehensive and afraid leaving as the nurses weren’t there to look after me. When I got home I just didn’t want to see anybody.

The hospital referred me to the respiratory team, and the community physio team. They were very good, I had zoom classes twice a week to show me exercises and build up my energy. I looked forward to the zoom classes, a bit of banter and fun, I felt lonely and down, it helped me realise every week I was getting better and better. The respiratory nurses advised how far to walk and kept an eye on me and the oxygen.

They picked up that I was mentally deflated and referred me to Elaine. I had a few chats over the phone she helped me a lot. I felt useless, she helped me work through that, we chatted, she reassured me that I wasn’t on my own and helped me realise other people had gone through similar experiences as me. She reassured me my feelings were normal after an acute illness. I don’t think anyone could go through something like this without some sort of a support network set up.

I have lost all my confidence, some people say to me,’ Thank God you’re here, you nearly died, should you not be living life to the full?’, but they don’t understand I cannot do what I used to. I need to work though my emotions and understanding of what happened. One minute you’re a healthy person working 40 hours a week the next you’re flat on you back with covid and oxygen, depending on others. With covid no one really knew what they were doing. It was only over time they learned what they needed to do like proning patients. I think the medical staff all did the best job they could.

I just want to say thank you very much to all of them. They really saved my life, I got all the care I think I needed, and they supported me at home.

Everyone else moves on, I was still stuck a wee bit in limbo, it has taken me 2 years to get back to some sort of baseline. I attend the zoom classes with Elaine and other people, I am lucky I am back to work thank God. Other people are still working their way through it. On the zoom call other people share their experiences. I lost my hair, I was able to reassure them that it will come back again, time is a great healer.