"Overall I’m actually confused and angry at the entire situation."

I entered the ward voluntarily on toward the end of November after attempting suicide and maintaining that mindset. The system wasn’t clearly described to me that I would potentially be detained which is what happened.

I’m now detained with no idea what the doctors are trying to achieve with my care as all the services I’ve been advised are available are actually too busy to fit me in.

This includes physio which has the knock on effect of me being unable to use the gym which is my higher power in the battle against addiction so therefore I see this place as a hindrance rather than a help and after 2 meetings with the doctor I am unclear what upping a medication I have repeatedly advised I don’t like and am unlikely to take at the current prescribed dose outside therefore making this seem like a futile situation.

I was advised I could also ask to speak to a psychiatrist and therapist seeing as I’ve a lot of trauma and ADHD, BPD and PTSD. I was actually truly looking forward to having some time with a psychiatrist however they’re unavailable and I instead got a copy of my medication information.

An incomparable trade off if you ask me.

As someone who’s very in tune and insightful into my issues and care plan, it’s incredibly frustrating to have no idea what is trying to be achieved or what’s happening. It seems all input and insight I have is disregarded making it frustrating as it’s me who all these things affect.

All of these things add up to make my detention seem more like prison rather than an opportunity to better myself. Without the gym I fall apart so this detention is actually more likely to cause a downward spiral than to have any benefit.

Overall I’m actually confused and angry at the entire situation. It would seem I was tricked into entering the facility and I’ve now been held for no meaningful purpose other than to mess around in my head with drugs I’ve already had which I didn’t feel enough of a benefit from to maintain with the side effects I was incurring. I think there’d be a great benefit in advising people upon entry of their rights and also what the unit is able to offer and work towards. I was put in with the dietician as I had stopped eating and mentioned my bulimia which they advised they weren’t able to help me with as I’d only been referred because I wasn’t eating. Laughable really.

Although the nurses have been great to chat with and offer council, they aren’t able to do anything to actually help with my long term issues so I commend them but at the same time find it hopeless. The occupational therapist is the only person I’ve sat down with and had input that although could be helpful my issue comes down to instability because of my ADHD, BPD and PTSD so therefore can’t help me.

Hopefully this information can be used to enact some change to the system as yet again hope is dangled in front of me and then quickly withdrawn once again and the only help that ends up happening is putting on a waiting list.