"Fast, traumatic and mentally damaging"

So I gave birth at Wishaw. It was fast and traumatic and mentally damaging.

In triage the midwife’s manner seemed dismissive as it truly felt like she didn’t believe that a. I was in labour or b. my waters had broken 5 mins earlier during a bowel movement. She also left the room and the monitor showed some foetal distress but I was told it was all fine despite LO not moving during contractions. This was the reason I was told to come in. Not the time between contractions but due to the reduced movements. I'd been in before for reduced movements and it was always a pleasant experience. I don’t know why it was so different the night I gave birth.

It seemed to me my birth plan hadn’t been read and I wasn’t actually asked for it. I’m assuming due to staff changes and the fact from arriving at the hospitals entrance to birth was 2.5 hours. 

I asked for an epidural and was told no as it would be too quick. That was perfectly reasonable and made sense. The plan was to give me IV morphine and despite saying I would get it they never gave it to me. There was spare staff in the room but they were finally dealing with with the foetal distress so I was essentially ignored.

My pain was ignored. Any compassion or care towards me was ignored as they only focused on the baby. They told me to do better. To push better as it wasn't good enough. While a valid point, the tone and manner they spoke wasn’t. The worse was this midwife who just turned up and never introduced herself. She was more vocal then my actual midwife. She told me when I said my contractions ended that the machine said otherwise and that it wasn't the case and to push. I know my body. I pushed when I felt the contractions. Then she tied one of the legs to the stirrups as they kept moving me to make it easier for them. Never asked what position I would like. When I asked for it to be removed I was told no.

I was never consulted about being partially restrained. I did not consent. There was no implied consent. I was refused an answer as to why which goes against the duty of candour. My file clearly states cPTSD and a member of staff restrained me when they had no right to.

So I tore. Tore really well and needed stitches. Had to have a spinal - at least they untied me and gave me pain relief though.

So on the ward - I breastfed straight away afterwards on one side as she fell asleep. In hindsight due to the pain medication I was given but by this point I hadn’t slept for 24 hours and still wouldn’t sleep for another 24 hours.

I had to repeatedly ask for the antibiotics as the staff stated I didn’t need them despite every doctor saying I would. Finally got them but the doctor/surgeon didn’t prescribe the pain relief they said so that wasn’t great.

So my LO was examined and they weren’t concerned. I was beyond tired. I was told by the lactation expert that my hold was fine and everything would be fine when she woke up. It was fine she was still sleeping 8 hours later as she was so new. I mentioned the 3 hour rule and she dismissed it. Lovely woman though. 

So we left late afternoon and she hadn’t had a second feed for 12 hours. They were not concerned I wasn’t functioning due to no sleep. So we got home and she finally wakes up. Does she latch no - she screamed the whole night till we could go out and get formula. Until my milk came in I had to use formula which I never wanted to. The breast I used initially dried up before that happened. I was simply told to keep trying and she’d eventually try. Tongue tie (severe) was missed for weeks until I asked if she had one.

It’s taken me months to get my only functional breast producing enough to feed her and even then it has to be pumped as the nipple is too big for her. This is despite having her frenulum cut.

I had a horrific first month and all the causes come back to how I was treated at Wishaw. I don’t think I could ever trust your staff to have another baby at Wishaw. To be honest the whole experience has put me off having a second in general.

The midwife who signed me off to the health visitor said she would find out why my leg was restrained and no word now for 10 weeks.

I still can’t get past that violation.