"For once I feel heard"

This time last week I had experienced a manic episode, which led into further psychosis. I called multiple times whilst in the heat of the issue, resulting in my delusions making me call 999 on my own family members.

I wish the mental health access hub team over the phone were able to better recognise signs of psychosis/ paranoia over the phone, as I should have been seen instantly with what I was experiencing.

After a week of calling over 15 times, I finally got through to a nurse. She understood straight away and booked me in face to face to be see within 24 hours.

I then seen another staff member, who despite in my head my delusions saying that her and the team were wanting me dead, she very quickly was able to get through to me and helped me have the most honest conversation I have had in my life about mental health.

I lost my aunt to suicide when I was young, and my grandma died of schizophrenia. So I had a lot of fear going in again to try and get help when the phone handlers and phone nurses initially did not take me seriously.

However the staff who spotted the signs instantly helped me in a way which I could never have imagined. In my day-to-day job I  am normally the one helping people. So for the first time to have what it felt like medical professionals actually having my back has not only made me feel safer, but it gives me hope that there will be less suicides from people like my Aunt due to the amazing work of the nurses.

I then seen the doctor (who again, I would normally shut down in front of due to visions being put in my head). But he didn't laugh at me, he didn't seem as if he did not believe me, and he spoke to me like I was an intelligent person that could choose what I wanted with my care. I know that he was meant to finish work at 4pm, but he stayed speaking to me until at least 4.45pm.

The first staff member I saw then waited in reception for me as I was getting paranoid. Which I would never have had the confidence to ask her to do, but she insisted. Thank god she did as there were people who did walk close by that if I was alone I most likely would have said something or had my paranoia triggered.

The next nurse I seen, I had started to get extremely paranoid and agitated before seeing her. I nearly got kicked out of the taxi on the way there. As I was shutting down and deciding to not take medication, she didn't be-little me but explained in a black and white way what may happen if I stop taking it, and she reassured me they are there for me. This stopped the voices in my head and I was able to agree to coming back, and I have decided to continue my medication.

For once I feel heard, and I can't believe they are even speaking to each other about how to help me. I can't express how much I appreciate it as I do not want to end up like my Aunt or Grandma, and I want to return to work asap.

I was able to sit downstairs with my dad for 40 minutes the other night, which I have not been able to do in years. I also yesterday went to the bakery down the road after my doctors appointment for the first time ever.

It is going to be slow progress but I finally feel supported and I just wanted to highlight how amazing the team has been in identifying and trusting that I have not felt in touch with reality. It has been such a scary week but I am not as scared anymore because of them.