"An endless circle of no help"

I'd been in and out of a&e for 4 days, I had some side pain so I was in a&e being assessed as they thought it was appendicitis. While in a&e for 30hrs I requested pain medication 5 times and didn't receive anything.

After 30hrs in a&e, they moved me to SAL who were much kinder to me and let me rest since I'd hardly eaten or slept. Had CT scan which showed I was okay and they rang mental health for me since I wasn't mentally well but I'd had to be cleared of physical first. 

Mental health said they'd see me the next day and for me to go home, SAL were shocked as they explained I was not able to keep myself safe but mental health still would not come see me.

I was discharged and rang 111 mental health asking for advice to which they said go to a&e and request for mental health. I did this and was taken to MHUAC (I've been here many times and knew what would happen).

The moment I arrived the person at the desk was so passively rude to me as I was checking in. I waited in the waiting room for hours to be seen and when assessed told them I couldn't keep myself safe but they didn't seem to care, told me to take some meds and go home and sleep.

I went back and forth from A&E to MHUAC that night till MHUAC let me stay in the waiting room and let me sleep for a few hours to then be kicked out again and told the safety plan of go home, meds and sleep again.

I returned that night again due to my mental health and the same people told me the same thing of go home, sleep and use phone lines for mental health like crisis team. 

Again I did this and crisis team told me to go to MHUAC due to my severity of mental health. As soon as I walked through MHUAC doors another person was passively rude to me saying they would assess me but already planned to send me home and the wait to see MHUAC was 7hrs.

There seems to be no help for me for my mental health. I am always told beds are full even when actual patients are saying otherwise. Staff have been passive aggressive to me, they already plan to send me home the moment I step through their front doors.

There have been good days here but now it's turned awful where they seemingly don't care unless you actually do something to yourself and even then it's a 50/50 chance they will help you there or just send you home and tell you to phone crisis team for help who send you back again.

Only the support staff are nice to you and make you not feel like a burden to them.

It breaks my heart to see people come in like myself hoping for some help and to be turned away with nothing and have wasted fuel/money for just some silly numbers that tell you to go back to mhac.

This is been the worst experience I've ever had, I went back to a&e after MHUAC and was crying to them, begging for help and they tried to get mental health to see me at a&e but again they refused and apparently told them to tell me to go home and utilise the phone numbers of 111 mental health and crisis team, who both tell me to go to MHUAC.

It's an endless circle of no help, I don't know why they treat me this way or what I've done to deserve this neglect. I begged for help for 3 consecutive days and was just told to go home.