"Compicated feelings about my birth and aftercare"

I gave birth at Forth Valley hospital earlier this year, and have really complicated feelings about my birth and aftercare.

I contacted triage early in the morning due to suspected meconium in my waters. I came in and was monitored and advised to remain in hospital from that point. I had initially hoped to have a waterbirth in the midwife led unit. When we left triage I was still expecting this but was taken to the labour ward. I was told I wasn't advised to use the pool due to meconium but no one would tell me why I was taken to the labour ward rather than one of the MLU rooms down the hall.

There were lots of other instances in my labour where in hindsight I feel I wasn't given all the info. I was told my baby was stuck after pushing for a few hours and I was advised to have forceps. I now suspect that it was actually that they wanted the baby out due to the suspected meconium (despite there being no actual signs of distress). 

I also feel quite unhappy with my aftercare. I was really keen to breastfeed (and am doing so at 9months pp) and didn't get great support with this. When my baby wouldn't settle in the crib I was repeatedly told to just let the midwives take her and give her formula. At one point I took my baby for a walk to try and soothe her overnight and was told off my staff. I later heard one of them referring to me as Dora the Explorer to another staff member. 

When I asked for breastfeeding support I was told no one/nothing was available. I asked to be see a lactation consultant or specialist and was looked at like I'd made that term up. 

I did also have some really great care, my first midwife Heather was fantastic (sadly her shift finished early in my labour) and I saw some fantastic student midwives after birth who really tried to help me. One in particular helped me express colostrum which was so important in my feeding journey. 

Lastly, when I was discharged from midwifery about 10days later I requested a birth debrief. It turned out this request was never actually processed and I'm still waiting for a debrief 9 months later.