"Alcohol dependency and grief."

 I have always enjoyed a beer. Nothing extreme. No hangovers and I never missed a day off work. Then in March 2023 I tripped and hit the corner of a table with my head. I ended up on life support and when I woke up several weeks later I had been in four hospitals and couldn't walk. I don't remember the names of the staff who looked after me, but I was signed off work long term sick. 

Royal Victoria, two wards in Belfast city and transferred to Belfast Mater for rehab and physio.

My kids are grown up and grew wings. (I'm so proud of them), my wife was working and I couldn't drive so I started drinking more. I had nothing else to do.

Then my wife of 30 years died suddenly last year. She was fine at 10.30PM and I found her dead on the floor an hour later. I was giving her CPR until one of the paramedics tapped me on the elbow and said "Stop mate. She's gone." I now had no wife, kids are grown and own their homes and I had no structure or purpose in life. Flashbacks to finding her lifeless body (she was only 50) and my solution to stop the flashbacks was vodka. A litre a day and I was using power tools, (bit stupid).

I ended up under the care of Western Health and Social Care Trust.

First Alcohol & Drug Service treatment was with Naomi (now in Asha Centre Omagh) . She  was very kind and understanding but I went in for a routine appointment in a bad way, she made a call and told me to go straight to A&E. I didn't even have time to use the toilet before I was called for triage and treatment started.  Ursula from A&E  spent several minutes giving me librium and hooking me up to a pabrinex drip and a saline drip. They got me detoxed, eating properly and I was nearly normal again. 

So I did the sensible thing, went home and started drinking again. Ended up needing detoxed again. This time it was Martina from A&D Service and Ursula (again). Martina has organised other assistance, so I don't really go for more than a couple of days without professional help and there is always someone at the end of a phone line.

I'm going into a rehab facility on Tuesday for 12 weeks. Martina was really the one who gave me the motivation to do it. 

When I started this journey my mood was so low that I rated it as minus on a scale of 1 to 10. Today it was a solid 10. I know it will take me a while to get over the grief of losing the girl I loved for so many years (I met her when she was 11, I was 13, we got married on her 21st birthday) but Martina and Ursula have helped me understand that using alcohol to mask grief is never going to work.

So big shout out to

Naomi, Ursula and Martina. They might have made me sane again.

Also a million thank yous to all the other nurses , RVH, City, Mater and SWAH.