"She never gave up on me"

I was referred to an employment support worker due to a lot of bullying I received at my old job. I was incredibly unhappy working there, and I know it was impacting my mental health a lot, but I was convinced that it was normal, that everyone went through things like this at work. So when the mental health team told me about the referral, I’ll admit I was sceptical, because it felt like another terrible attempt to keep me from spiralling out of control and causing any harm to myself. But I decided to go through with it because what’s the worst that could happen? And so I was referred to Claire (sorry if I’m not allowed to use your actual name).

I’ll admit, I wasn’t the easiest person to work with at first, I was arrogant and petulant. I’d convinced myself that this whole thing was a waste of both our time and we’d be done soon enough. Eventually, I started to open up to her and let some of those walls down - I hadn’t realised I’d done it until we’d spent almost a whole session rambling about the most useless things ever. My preference for jobs would change almost every time we had an appointment, one week I’d want to be a tattoo artist, and the next I’d want to be a police detective. But somehow she’d manage to keep up with me and she never once made me feel weird about it. We were starting to make progress, she knew that art was my outlet and encouraged me to keep drawing even when it felt like there was no reason to. 

But then everything kinda fell apart for me. Work got worse, the bullying was pretty constant, and at the same time I was being diagnosed with new mental illnesses. That’s okay though, she could work around all of it. Not in the mood? That’s okay we can drive around and rant. Had an appointment? She’d pick me up afterwards and we’d go have coffee and clear my head. She was the first person I’d told when I’d been diagnosed with BPD, I don’t know why I told her first, maybe it was because I knew she would never make me feel less than because of it. It sounds corny but it genuinely felt like she was a friend more than a support worker. Claire helped me navigate my way through it all, she helped me disclose everything to work. I remember she even managed to convince me to let her come to my work meetings, it took a whole month to convince me, but when she got in there, she stood up for me in front of my boss. No one had ever done that for me before, not even me. I’d never had someone in my corner before, and I’m so happy that it got to be Claire first.

Eventually, I stopped working there and it felt like everything came to a stand still. Everything I’d worked so hard for just disappeared. It threw me in a way I’ll never forget. She still never left though, if anything I’d see her somehow try even harder than she was before to restore my confidence. She spent a whole year after that with me, and we did a whole bunch. Not that it didn't have its hurdles. But she never gave up on me. And I don’t know about anyone else, but seeing someone with so much hope for you is its own kind of encouragement. She really did make me believe that I could do whatever I put my mind to.

If you ever get to work with Claire, just know that you’re going to get someone who’ll never give up on you, even if you give up on yourself first. I promise she’ll grow on you. If you don’t believe in yourself - that’s more than okay, she’ll believe enough for the both of you. When you’re at your lowest, she will still bend over backwards to try and have you reach your full potential. I can wholeheartedly say I’ll never forget everything she’s done for me and if not for her, I don’t think I’d be half the person I am today.