"This letter has brought back a lot of horrible memories"

Today I received a letter regarding a miscarriage I had almost four months ago. The contents of the letter are about the fact that no pregnancy remains were found in the pregnancy tissue I passed back in November. I have found this letter completely insensitive to send - having somewhat gotten over the trauma of what happened, this letter has brought back a lot of horrible memories. Particularly it has reminded me of the quality of care I received at the time (but was too exhausted after to share this feedback then). I experienced a number of issues with various providers involved in my miscarriage.

Having experienced some bleeding I called Ninewells EPAC and was booked in for a scan. The midwife on my first visit, was lovely and kind, and they dealt with the situation with great compassion. They indicated that although they could not be sure, it was likely that the foetus did not have a heartbeat and I was having a miscarriage. I was told to wait a further ten days for a second scan which would hopefully give a clearer picture. After the appointment, my community midwife, from PRI, texted me. The text said that hopefully it was just too early to tell and that I would get good news at the next scan. Thus, despite the Ninewells midwife being reasonably solemn and clear that it was unlikely to be a successful pregnancy, I did get my hopes up for the next ten days. On reflection, it was really inappropriate for this false hope to be given to me, as this made everything that followed more upsetting. 

At the second scan, I had a midwife who repeatedly told me during the scan that it looked complex. This was all they really said, which made it seem as though they did not know what they were looking at. It was not actually made totally clear to me that they thought at this point I had had a miscarriage. I was told I could wait another week to see if anything happened naturally. I then very much felt like I was almost hurried out the door.

At the third scan I had a different midwife again, they were clearly more experienced. The first thing they said to me was something like I'm sorry we told you last time you're having a miscarriage, to which I was thinking, oh, did you tell me that? They also asked if I had been given any leaflets or a special box for the memory of the baby - I had not been given any of this. Perhaps if the second midwife had taken more time with me and been clearer, they may have also given me all these things which would have helped me process the situation. During the third scan the midwife was able to give me their best guess at what they could see and was clear and empathetic. 

After this I decided to use medical management for the miscarriage and was booked in to the gynaecology department for this to happen. On the day, I found staff to be mostly cold and lacking in compassion considering the fact I was losing a baby. Also, at the start the nurse asked if I had eaten anything and I said I had, they seemed annoyed at me.

I was then given some surgery socks and at this point I asked them why - they thought I was having surgery. I had to tell her it was for medication, and so they had to go and check their notes, of course seeing that it was not surgery. A strong start.

I was then given the medication to induce the miscarriage and at one point I passed something significant and then another nurse (not sure if they were actually a nurse, lots of people came in and never introduced themselves at various points) came back and said it had been the tablets. I am pretty sure that this was an error and it was the pregnancy being passed, or the pregnancy had been amongst the tablets, as later, the main nurse who was looking after me came in and asked who had been taking away the bed pans in a way which indicated to me that they thought something had been missed.

I ended up having to spend over 12 hours in Ninewells, they finally did a scan, which confirmed there was nothing left. The only significant thing I had passed had been earlier in the day. I was quite upset at the time when I realised this as I had been told that any remains would be cremated at Perth crematorium in a special ceremony, instead, I imagine that my pregnancy was dumped into the waste bin.

All of this has now come back to me with the arrival of a letter from the consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist, over four months since it all happened. The letter is totally unnecessary at this point (if I had concerns about bleeding I would have contacted someone already), if you are really so far behind on your paperwork you could save a lot of time and paper by thinking with empathy and compassion on whether this letter was necessary.