"Alcohol Problems"

Eight months ago, I was in a very bad situation. I had been through a rough time with divorce, then my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, closely followed by my sister’s suicide in horrible circumstances involving domestic violence and coercive control. Immediately after that came the death of my father, who had truly given up - heartbroken. I retired early and decided to move in and look after my mother who had only a short time to live.

I had always been a heavy drinker from the age of about 16 and having grown up in the eighties in Northern Ireland, that was perfectly normal and accepted. At university in England, I was drinking them all under the table, but still managed to be very fit and ran more than 10 miles several times a week. We Ulstermen were made of tough stuff I told myself.

Looking after mother I spent all day, every day in the house with the exception of attending her medical appointments. I became self-absorbed thinking about my divorce, my little sister’s suicide and my father’s death. I was very angry at the world and drank more and more in some futile attempt at self-medication. I was no longer running long distances or attending the gym and my drinking grew to occupy almost all my waking hours. With this came dramatic weight gain and the cycle of inactivity, self-loathing, and the projection of blame onto others.

In June of last year, it finally caught up with me, and I collapsed. After medical assessment I was told I had a problem with my heart, my liver was in really bad shape, and I was type 2 diabetic. All this on top of what was described as being morbidly obese. I received a copy of the letter the Consultant sent to my GP stating that unless dramatic change was forthcoming I was unlikely to live more than 2 years.

I was referred to the Gastro Hub at the Ulster and received the most incredible attention in one place by several specialists including medical assessment, diet advice and addiction consultation. I remember thinking this is like my own private hospital in one place.

I went home and sat down in the quiet. I wasn’t scared. I was resigned to my fate. My thoughts were about the good things I had achieved in my life, the happiness in my marriage, and in particular my two sons of whom I was so proud.

And then another thought came to me. What if change were possible? What would my life look like? Would it be so boring and pointless? Has anyone ever done this before at my age? (I was in my later 50s.)

So, eventually as the news began to really sink in, I thought – I suppose I could give it a try. But what was to be my approach? I had previously looked up quitting drink and read about DTs and seizures. Did I need residential help? Well, I can’t. I’m with my mother. So, without any other plan to hand, I decided my plan would be – Try not to drink today, but if I get any scary symptoms there is vodka in the cupboard so I can always have some if I really need it.

And it worked. I did one day. Then another. And this continued with lots of early bed and poor sleep. But no alcohol. I attended the Hub on a regular basis where the support was literally lifesaving. I gained increasing confidence and the rewards came quickly, as my ongoing tests showed things moving in the right direction.

During this time, I also had great support from my family and friends; it was a truly great feeling to hear how proud they were of my efforts.

I had been alcohol free for about 6 weeks when mum finally died. It was really painful for me as we had always been so very close. She died in her own bed at home and I was with her along with my brother. I had to face this and the funeral without my drug of choice and that was very difficult, but I did it.

Suddenly I was alone in a big house with the world out there and me in here. This was my awakening. My life 2.0 moment. I resolved to take this shot at a new future. I started a new gym membership and began training again.

Since I began my life turnaround eight months ago, I have remained alcohol free and I can honestly say I only think about it rarely and have no desire to return to illness in both body and mind. I sleep peacefully and have happy dreams, I have lost 47kg and still have a few to go, and have reversed my diabetes with my blood sugar now in normal levels. My heart continues to be monitored but is stable for now.

Today, I find life quite easy. I am very happy and I appreciate the small things, like the little detail in nature, that was so lost in the noise before, and I wake gently every day filled with gratitude for the new life I have, and for those who helped me and continue to help me.