"Damage caused by TVT mesh inserted 20 years ago"

My story starts in 1999. I had a TVT mesh inserted, in Northern Ireland. I went to theatre and for some reason they did not catheterise me in theatre, so I arrived on the ward and for 12 hours I could not pass any urine, so they put a catheter in and drained 1200mls and then 6 hours later they drained another 900mls.

I was in hospital for 12 weeks and they tried numerous things and eventually they cut the tape but nothing happened. I was left with no control at all with my bladder.

I asked for a second opinion and was sent to London, where in 2008 they put in a TOT (trans-obturator tape) and I was not made aware of this.

Eventually I was treated at UCLH in London in 2018. I ended up with a urostomy bag and lost my bladder. After 20 years they found the TVT had eroded through my vagina wall, so I had it removed and my urethra as well.

So how do I feel? Angry, sad, depressed all rolled into one.