"I didn't feel I had any control"

I was sent for a sigmoidoscopy at Wishaw November 2020 and unfortunately it was an awful experience.

The nurses who prepped me were lovely and I was hopeful I'd have a good experience however when I went into the room to have the procedure done it was a very different atmosphere. The nurse (who I assumed was senior) was very unfriendly and rude, and was annoyed that I had underwear on, which I'd been told by another nurse to keep on because I was on my period. I tried to explain and was cut off and told to "hurry up".

The actual procedure was excruciating, I was in so much pain. I was never asked if I wanted to stop and wasn't made aware that I could stop the procedure. At no point was I spoken to during the procedure explaining what was happening, in fact I wasn't even told when it was starting - the first I knew was when the Dr inserted a finger inside me and I was in pain (then after someone said, you've just had a rectal exam). I was rushed to sign the paperwork, wasn't allowed to ask questions and nothing was explained. 

I was supposed to be given sedation but I don't even know if I actually got this, and they were annoyed that I asked for it - I was offered no pain relief at all. I've had sedation twice to have wisdom teeth extracted and it was nothing like this. I felt everything, including the biopsies (which I wasn't told would be taken). I was thankful that one nurse was kind enough to let me hold her hand throughout or I think I would have pushed the Dr and other staff off me.  I know other people who've had scopes (at other hospitals) under sedation who didn't remember a thing and were not in pain, so I assume mine wasn't administered correctly. After the procedure was over, I was rushed out of the room unable to put underwear back on, again told to hurry up despite how sore I was. 

I felt absolutely humiliated, and like no one (apart from that one nurse) cared about my welfare at all. I was crying going home because I was so sore and even months on I get panic attacks thinking about the experience. My experience at Wishaw hospital has massively contributed to my fear of hospitals and doctors/nurses. I recently had wisdom teeth out at Monklands and every member of staff there was caring, compassionate and I was given lots of options so that I had some control over my care - the opposite to the experience I had at Wishaw. During my sigmoidoscopy, I was treated like a lump of meat, not a person. The Dr didn't care about me at all, I don't think they actually spoke to me throughout. I might have signed consent forms but nothing about it felt consensual - I didn't feel I had any control over what was happening. 

The whole thing was awful, I would never go back there again - I'd rather wait longer to be seen somewhere else. I can't explain how frightening and dehumanising the experience was. You'd think, with a procedure as intimate as that, the staff would be trying their best to put you at ease and keep you as modest as possible, and try to ensure the patient is as comfortable and pain free as possible.