"Disappointed with outcome of psychiatric assessment"

I'm incredibly frustrated, agitated, angry and fed up with the state of NHS Mental Health Services in this country, but more so my local CMHT. I could go on and on about loads of isolated cases where I've been assessed for all sorts. But I'm just not happy or satisfied with the care [or lack of care rather] I am receiving. 

I've had crippling paranoia and anxiety for years, I'm also depressed; over somethinq quite personal, this means I can't be outside my house, leave my house, unless for med appts, and I take a taxi most places.

I believe these thoughts with such severity it has impacted my life tremendously, both professionally and personally. I have started becoming angry and aggressive in public because of this paranoia, and the Police have been involved because of my impulsive behaviour. 

Now, I've been in a constant state of up and down with my mood for months now. Extreme anger and rage brought on by these beliefs I have. I've been assessed by the integrated MHT [Early intervention in Psychosis] by a CPN she seemed to think I wasn't Psychotic. I've been then assessed by my usual CPN and just yesterday by a Consultant Psychiatrist.

Who said I suffered from these beliefs as a result of mental illness, but that it was anxiety. Now, I disagree with this, I didn't say so because I struggle to be assertive in these meetings. 

I also disagree that my medication is helping...I've got a long history of taking anti-depressants SSRIs and Tricyclics, and now a SNRI drug. Anyhow, I had my hopes up I'd get the support I not only wanted, but need. How wrong was I.

They aren't going to review my meds cos I have only been on them two months. Yeah I mean the CPN said last time we won't review your meds you haven't been on them long enough speak to your GP. To be fair, the GP has done more than the CMHT has ever done. But the GP cannot do much more which is why the doctor referred me in the first place for a "specialist opinion" but no push back off the CMHT.

They just don't seem to want to prescribe anything else...my issue is I do believe I need to be on Anti-Psychotics, if not for the paranoia I am experiencing for the fluctuation in my mood I experience. This is not normal behaviour for me what I've been doing; acting out. 

Instead - no they want to keep me on Duloxetine - and look at the max dosage cos they think its working and the anger is my true emotions, well your damn right it is, when your around people and you think they are mocking you all the time and its causing rage in public and aggression. 

But for her to just say its anxiety. No its much more than that. 

Anyhow she suggested social support from the local council, which is commendable, and also some for of "stabilisation" therapy or graded exposure to get out the house. Again commedable. 

However, I don't agree with the medication I'm on, and I also don't think its just anxiety. I only got forty mins with her, and I'm not the best at communciation, my mind goes blank alot. 

The psychiatrist suggested all of this which I thought was the good part, and asked the CPN if she agrees to which she says -well maybe you can agree to it-and laughs. Which I thought was a bit odd to say, its almost like there is some push back to it all the time. CPN then says, Well we'll need to have a formulation meeting about this won't we?....

This is all I ever hear from my CPN ie It's not my decision..We need to have a formulation meeting first etc etc. Nothing gets done. 

Yesterday when the Con Psych asked my CPN what work she's been doing with me, she simply shrugged it off and said -well nothing really have we, cos its quite debilitating isn't it.So I do feel like my illness was blamed for lacklustre treatment or no treatment should I say.

I am not happy about the direction of my treatment, I should be on a mood stabiliser to stabilise my moods alongside an anti-depressant not just hopelessly trying more anti-depressants...also they should not dangle the carrot and state they are going to do stuff, to then say -Oh we need to have a FORMULATION meeting about that first..nothing ever gets done. And they just tell me to ring crisis team - well let me tell you I've tried to ring them four times day - no answer. 

I remember when I first came to the CMHT meeting with my CPN she never even read my GPs initial letter which stated she wanted them to look at and review my medication. 

I've taken Citalopram, Sertraline, Fluoxetine, Mirtazapine, Propranolol, Lofepramine, and now Duloxetine over the last decade. I think its about time I tried something else isn't it now?

Enough banging my head against the wall with this stupid system.

I've had enough. I'm angry, disappointed I always feel so flat and depressed, empty after an appointment with them. They offer nothing but soundbites.